What are you supposed to do now, now that it is all over? Sitting at my desk, I have repeatedly found myself spiraling into deep, contemplative thoughts. While some might think I am zoning out, or others think I am ignoring them, I find these spirals therapeutic. I retreat inwards and allow myself to unravel all of the emotions I have been unable to voice. It just so happens that at this very moment, I am in the writing mood at the same time as the thinking mood, ya know?
Anyways, for the last 20 days, I was in Costa Rica becoming a yoga teacher. Once I landed back in my hometown, everyone I knew wanted to know all about my experience, but to be honest, I couldn't find the words. I mean, how could I? How could I put one of the most transformative and groundbreaking experiences of my life into a single sentence? When people ask about the group of people I trained alongside, how do I tell them that I made some of the most important connections in my life in just a few simple words? I find that words cannot describe the impact that this training has had on me.
So, I as I repeatedly contemplated my emotions, I couldn't help but wonder, how can I truly explain myself. Spoiler: I have no idea, but I might as well take a stab at it.
I want to begin with thanking Sean, Tatiana, and every single person who works at Vida Asana. None of the retreat would have been possible without all of your love, support, hospitality, and generosity. No matter what any of us needed, someone was always extremely willing to help. Everything was perfect. From the fresh towels in our rooms to the sheets always being clean to the yoga shala being sanitized after every use, to the delicious and amazing food, everything was absolutely amazing. Thank you for opening your home to us, and from the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything.
Now, I want to take a moment to thank my new family.
It's pretty weird to think that even though it feels like we met centuries ago, we have all just known each other for the better part of three weeks. Writing this makes me tear up, knowing that I won't be able to wake up and be greeted by hundreds of hugs and good mornings tomorrow when I walk out of my room to grab my coffee.
I don't think it is possible to relay what I have learned from all of you. Well, it probably is but this would turn into more of a novel rather than a journal entry. Anyways...
I want to thank you all. Without all of you, I would not be as impacted as I am today by this training. Never in my life have I been so out of my comfort zone, while simultaneously feeling so at ease. While that might be a huge oxymoron, it makes sense, because I felt safe to be myself, no matter who I was with. I was pushed mentally and physically, and challenged daily, but at the same time, I was always given a hand to stand back up when I fell down. I laughed till I cried, and cried till I laughed. I mean, shit, I am so inspired by each and everyone of you who I was lucky enough to grow with.
It is so kismet (Anna thanks for the word here lol) that all of your beautiful souls were brought to the same place, at the same time. Our journeys up until that point were different, but for a moment in time, our destination became one. Hand in hand, as we rounded the bases, with our eye on the final base, we all walked each other home (Randall and Drew tattoo creds). I think that I feel so schwa (sad) recently because I am not able to spend each day with the beautiful people I love. At the same time, I think I am so happy because I know the impact each and everyone of y'all will make. It is no secret that this family has the capacity to change the world, and I am thankful to be able to witness it.
Next, I want to thank all of my teachers. For some reason, this entry is becoming like a long thank you note, but instead let's look at it like the goodbyes I never said.
Andrew, thank you for constantly being an uplifting source of energy. Your wisdom and enthusiasm always kept me eager and engaged. Thank you for believing in me, and pushing me to try new things that were way out of my comfort zone. I cannot put into words how much I learned from you. Whether it was the way you carried yourself with grace, your
approachable nature, your wisdom, or the way you simultaneously encouraged and pushed all of us, I will forever be inspired, and I will also no longer add -ing to everything...
Ashley, thank you for holding space. I admire and aspire to hold space in the way you manage to. Your students never need permission to flow or meditate one way or another because you always allow us to express ourselves by greeting ourselves with kindness. Your presence was always felt, and your grounding energy kept me going in times of doubt. Thank you for everything, I look up to your teaching and I am eager to visit you this summer to take one more of your classes.
Jonah, thank you. Three years ago, my mom took teacher training. You lead one of her intensive weekends, and when she told me about you, you immediately became my best friend and I's role model. Last year, I was privileged enough to take you over zoom for half of my teacher training, where I learned so much from you. However, this year, being able to learn from you in person has had more of an impact on me than you will ever know. I asked you to push me as hard as you could in my teaching, mentally and physically. You did just that. Whether you forced me to ice bath, or spontaneously called on me when you knew I was probably on the verge of a minor zone out, you kept me on my toes. You inspired me three years ago, but now you also motivated me to be the best teacher I can be. I want to be able to have the same impact on people that you have had on me and my practice. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
Finally, (I know right like finish up already!) a few moments of sheer joy I want to share before I wrap up.
Always laughing, my heart will forever remember the joy this training has brought me. From eating loaves of banana bread like it's a breakfast bar to waking up my roomie to country music (sorry Camille but such a great way to get started) to the baby kitten sleeping on my face to sleeping outside in a hammock and getting down poured on to the church of fruit to late night chatter and so on. Each time I get a little schwa about being away from my new family, I remember the moments that warmed my heart.
This is just the beginning. I know, for certain, that years down the road, we will all cross paths again. When we do, I hope it will be just like the old times we shared, knowing how far we've come. It was so beautiful to watch everyone grow together, and I am eager to see the beautiful impact that this group will have on the world.
As for myself? Eager as always, I look forward to taking my new routines into my daily life. I look forward to cherishing the smaller moments, the moments that make my heart sing. I look forward to teaching again, whatever that may look like. I look forward to my new meditation practice, and journaling more. I look forward to bringing the energy and vibrations that I was greeted with in Costa Rica into my life, no matter where it takes me. Mostly, I look forward to watching everyone's individual journeys take flight.
Change isn't easy, no one ever said it was. Honestly, it can be painful, heartbreaking, but also strengthening. I know that while this change of pace that we are all amidst can be painful, it will only make the reunion sweeter. Even if you cannot hear my voice, I hope you can hear me through this entry, and just for a moment, you find yourself back in the Vida Asana home. Please remember that you are not alone. You are surrounded with love and support forever and always.
With love,
sunshine
Comments